Glitter In Her Veins ;): Archive

9 tags

Dec 26th

6 tags

Dec 23rd

4 tags

Conversation With The Bestie

Girl: How long have you two been friends?
BFF: 15 years
Me: We have NOT been friends for 15 years! Stop saying that!
BFF: Yes we have! We met in like 3rd grade!
Me: We met when we were 11 and in 6th grade. That's 10 years.
BFF: Well I was rounding up.
Me: Why would you round up from an even number?
BFF: You're such a bitch.

Dec 23rd

Dec 17th

11,399 notes

Wife listening to her husband talk to himself as...

James: Are they going to scream and cry like this every time Oprah shows them something?
James: Why are they crying? 
James: That bag looks like a piece of shit. What are those? Slippers?
James: I thought these shoes were custom made. How are they giving them out without knowing their sizes?
James: ♬ We're fat ladies dancing ♬
James: Oh My God.
James: "Oh mothafucka! A cashmere blanket? OH LAWD!"
 *he's quiet for 2 mins, I look over and he's asleep*
Kelly: You can't go to sleep
James: I can't watch this, how can they do this for a whole hour?
James: They should all have to wear the sweaters.
James: Gettin' it! Gettin' it! SOLD! Where's the fucking phone. I want that knife. Isn't that what this is? Get Oprah on the phone.
James: Now everyone gets macaroni and cheese. Gifts are degrading now, they got a $2000 watch 10 mins ago.
James: I hope you're writing this down Kelly. Ghirardelli's Brownie Mix. 
James: I'm calling my lawyer. Oprah was looking at me when she just said "You're all getting one"
James: All those ladies are like 'Who the fuck is Jay-Z'
James: "Oh muthafucka, that is some good macaroni and cheese."
James: That lady has no idea what Netflix is, she thinks she just won a movie studio. Look at her crying and making prayer hands!  It's $8 a month lady.
James: Did Oprah seriously just say 'my favorite workout pants'
James: Is this show live in Chicago? I wonder how many people got rolled for their stuff when they left. 
James: Well that was stupid.
Kelly: What was your favorite thing?
James: When it ended. 
 This is the funniest fucking thing ever!!!